Mencari ikhlas

15122016 

Hiraa

Aku senyum melihat diri aku pada hari ini.

Yang sedang membesar, berusaha mengenali tuhannya.

Tarbiyyahlah yg menjadikan aku begini.

I always want to talk, want to write.

I want to tell the world what is actually interest me.

Reflections is always priceless.

Tapi kini aku sedang cuba, memberhentikan all the rants

Dan mula ‘walk the talk’

Dan salah satu sebab aku ‘stop the rants’

Sebab aku takut benar menjadi seorang munafik.

Seorang yang bercakap dan terus bercakap

Mengenai iman, islam, Allah dan takwa.

Tapi hatinya masih hitam.

Kotor dipalit jahiliyyah.

Maka aku mengambil langkah, berhenti sejenak.

Media sosial – best place in the world to spread goodness.

Senang sangat. Just post a status and everyone can read it.

But, it’s also the best place (nauzubillah) menduakan Allah.

Tell me sister, why you post status?

Deep in your heart, tell yourself the reason.

Apa dan kepada siapa sebenarnya?

If it REALLY for Allah, and you want to bring people at least a step closer to Allah, Alhamdulilllah.

(And I already have few posts that lack of this) 1-0

Next, when you already posts it, do you expect people to response to it?

Like or share it? Retweeted or tag their friends on it?

Kalah 2 -0

Aku hilang ikhlas kerana Allah tadi (of why I post it at the first place) bila aku mengharapkan sedikit balasan daripada manusia.

Not worth it.

Sambung 3, out from the media sosial

Beramal bagai nak rak, bagi taujihat berapi api.  Cuba habiskan hafazan. Sedapkan bacaan al quran, bacaan solat.

Untuk apa? Supaya manusia acknowledge kau hebat?

Burn. Hangus amal.

Bangun qiam berhari hari, hati masih hitam. Ikhlas masih hilang.

Jadilah rijal yang khalas dan ihsan, AJ.

For He, will always look at your heart, and your deeds.

Let it be worthy.

I tempted. To post this on facebook. But I know, it brings me more sins that rewards. Saved. In my mac.

hari ni. 

29052017

Aku mula menulis di sini
bukanlah mencari likes dan comments
but rather, trying to jot down all my thoughts and reflections,
thanks my best buddy whom able to persuade me to write it here.
In my journey to be a better slave.

a better slave. 

Of What and Why?

Today marked the 3rd day after the indirect confession, and the rejection. 

Okay. today I gotta go to GEJZ senior citizens home. 9.00 am need to meet Mr Peter there. 

.

.

kepala berputar. 

oi kena sampai cepat sudah la hari tu lambat nnti my yet to be muslim friend ni tak nampak pn muslim yg baik sket attitude dia. 

open Gmaps. “GEJZ” search, direction. 

8.57 arrived. Fuh nasib boleh lari jammed. Bukak whatsapp, mesej dalam group la senang. “I’m here” Jif balas “I just arrived”. yeay! mission complete (baru awal daripada Jif dh suka betul dia)

as usual my partner and I will always there first. the other two either go missing in action or late for half or another one hour. lol

.

. 

Peter started “okay we start our session first before you can mingle around with laula - orang tua”. mandarin. tu laaa cikgu chean dh buat buku suruh belajar chinese language taknak. haha. 

he continued then “ I just have one question. why are you here?this is my only question after this you will be like the professor in the class, asking me thousands of question” 

“hm hm” aku angkat muka “you wanna give yr answer or not Jif?” 

“you give la.” haha that english malaysian style

“I’m here for the task given but I really look forward as I want to see how these old people been doing without proper care by relatives or children” 

“okay. answer accepted. now your turn” aku sengih je tah la betul ke jawapan tu. 

tanya berapa orang staff dan orang tua kat situ. Akaun dan admin. berapa lama dah rumah ni exist. Oh and, who is the founder and why he started. 

ni part interesting sebab dia kata “saya jawab separuh dulu dpd soalan ni okay. Im the one who started it, from zero. Next question?”

haish..aku dh la high curiosity. yang dua orang tu tak nampak bayang lagi. 

sabar sabar. save the best for the last. 

pakcik jif (haha sorry) ni sambung tanya pasal follow up, medications and chronic illness of laula. selalu gaya pelajar dan bakal doktor cemerlang tau. ngeh ngeh. 

“Okay we finish. We don’t have other questions anymore” tengok jam. dah dekat 9.30 ni. Ad call. baru nak call balik nampak dia jalan masuk ke laman dah. 

Peter take his chance now. 

“I have started when I was young. I have a really strong will comes from inside to create a better place whenever I see old folks sleeping on the sidewalk, walking around asking for money in the coffee shops, and duduk duduk dekat tepi kedai kedai lot”

“I was ignoring it at first. but you know the will become bigger and stronger until I take a step forward, resign from my job at that time balik daripada sabah ke melaka. Saya kemudian pegi ke taiwan (amek social work study) at the age of 29 untuk betul-betul serius” dia sambung.

ok. point taken. 

kalau dah ada iradah qawiyyah, comes hell or high water you will still proceed it. kan bagus kalau dalam menjadi hamba Tuhan dan mentaati Dia kau punya keinginan sekuat ini.

Ad pulak tanya few questions. selang kejap. aku curi curi tengok jam adidas purple kat tangan kanan. eh. almost 10 already. haha. bila nk start beraktiviti.

aku senyum je. nah nah. Allah bagi tazkirah dari pakcik not yet muslim ni okayy. 

Peter dh nampak aku mcm restless kot sebab nak start jumpa penghuni situ kan. “Saya mau pesan ini satu last. Ok kan?” 

kami tiga serentak angguk. muka fokus betul. 

Dia sambung “ I always ask myself everyday what am I doing? and why I am doing this” 

fuhh. aku tarik nafas. what now, Allah? sambil menarik bibir mengukir senyuman.

“there are doctors, lawyers I meet that somehow feeling so tired of what they are doing and wanted to stop. We really need to remember why we started at the first place. if you keep that in your mind, you will continue to do it till the end of your life”

senyum makin lebar. 

betullah kata kata famous dalam kalangan kita kita ni “Terhentinya kita ditengah jalan adalah kerana salahnya permulaan” 

(100). وَالسَّابِقُونَ الْأَوَّلُونَ مِنَ الْمُهَاجِرِينَ وَالْأَنْصَارِ وَالَّذِينَ اتَّبَعُوهُمْ بِإِحْسَانٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمْ وَرَضُوا عَنْهُ وَأَعَدَّ لَهُمْ جَنَّاتٍ تَجْرِي تَحْتَهَا الْأَنْهَارُ خَالِدِينَ فِيهَا أَبَدًا ۚذَٰلِكَ الْفَوْزُ الْعَظِيمُ
Orang-orang yang terdahulu lagi yang pertama-tama (masuk Islam) di antara orang-orang muhajirin dan anshar dan orang-orang yang mengikuti mereka dengan baik, Allah ridha kepada mereka dan merekapun ridha kepada Allah dan Allah menyediakan bagi mereka surga-surga yang mengalir sungai-sungai di dalamnya; mereka kekal di dalamnya selama-lamanya. Itulah kemenangan yang besar. (9:100)

This is your what and why. 

Keep the ni’mah close to you, love <3