Aku taktahu nak percaya siapa sebenarnya dalam dunia ni.
It has been a while since I last rant on this.
I have bestfriends. Akhawats. Housemates.
But to be honest I have no idea whether I really love them
or just merely accepting them as my friends.
Dulu, aku ni cepat sgt syg orang, dan terus rasa she is the
one I can turned to and talk about my problems.
But now, things changed.
Its either the result of my previous attachment to kakak
Or multiple turned down by my 'bestfriends' when I talked about my
struggle. Some people just don’t care.
Tapi aku mcm dh makin okay sikit, cuba je la rpt ngn
housemates trying to take them as those close to me.
Trying to open up to my usrahmates as well. Taking them as
my usrahmates for real.
Pastu minggu ni,
Af text tnya pasal rumah, sbb turned out one of her
housemate, Alia tak nak consider utk dk Apartment B, and insist nak jugak dk
apartment A.
Yg lagi 2 orang housemates insist nak duduk apartment B
instead for a valid reason though.
So Af ni torn in between.
Sbb end up Alia kata dia nk dk apt A jugak, and tarik diri
dpd the group.
Padahal she is one of the reason why Af ni taknak dk ngn aku
dan housemates.
Aku jadi marah sgt.
Sebab end up aku rasa again, this is how selfish human can
be.
Hari tu pn masa usrah aku mcm biasa je tolak2 usrahmates nk
suruh share, tpi one of my usrahmate tetiba melenting “awk ni dh kenapa, marah
plak aku”
Eh mcm tak biasa main tolak tolak ni.
So aku end up marah lagi.
Dan aku ada resolution baru untuk tak main tolak2 dlm usrah
ckp je la sket2 without revealing my own problem.
Dan take my usrahmates as friends in the circle je.
Jangan pulak cerita pasal politik malaysia.
Yg tu lagi lah, ni nampak mcm baik dh, nak kmbalikan mcm2 kt
malaysia
While the other part pn sama. Nampak mcm dh buat mcm2 salah,
tapi bila fikir balik byk jugak yg dorang dh buat sbnrnya.
Weh, aku serious taktahu mcm mna nk restore balik
kepercayaan aku dengan manusia ni.
Aku penat tau sebenarnya.
Penat weh penat
Sampai aku rasa sebab aku tak percaya manusia ni buat aku
rasa susah nk syg manusia jugak.
Ask me syg ke housemates sbnrnya?
Syg ke bestfriends?
Syg ke akhawat?
I’ll ask again “what is the definition of love, though?”
