Perasaan

“The feeling is the direct result of the thoughts” – Prof Finian

His words make the whole sense of why people are feeling so and so.

Ahaa. AJ terus teringat segala benda yg dia ‘rasa’ few months ago.

A girl who thought that her bestfriend was giving chance for her to be more than a bestfriend – which eventually make her start to build the hope.

A girl who was always believe that people who don’t work hard to find mutarabbi and build them to be a murobbi is not doing dakwah.

A girl who always think that her housemates should be as perfect as girls should be.

And with just all these 3, AJ memanjang cari masa petang dia untuk tidur dan skip kelas.  

Sebab stress sgt, and she had no one really to talk about. As everyone is busy with their life sampai dia rasa, naa takkan ada org yg dia boleh bercakap dengan.

Ye lah, dah bila AI tak reply ka busy ka, dia pun kecewa haha. Pstu dh takut nk cerita lg sbb takut nnti expect lebih2 lagi.

Dah bestfriend dia lg sorang dh kena jaga batas plak utk tak asyik contact.

Housemates and akhawat plak dia rasa takdak yg faham atau sama wavelength. 

Haha. End up dia simpan je. And tidur.

Pastu bila dh okay, she continues living like nothing ever happened.

Ngeng.

.
.

“People feel differently as we have different belief” Prof Finian continued.

Entah lah. Mungkin sebenarnya, yg masalah pada waktu itu adalah imannya.

Her belief – which makes her feel that way.

Sama ada imannya yg tak mampu memberinya jawapan bahawa semua orang sedang berusaha sedaya upaya mereka dan pasti mereka lebih baik di mata Allah. 

atau 

Imannya tidak mampu untuk menjadikan ia sibuk dengan tujuan hidupnya sbg khalifah dan hamba - without looking at others.

Belum masuk part dia rasa semua org akhirnya kecewakan dia. Lol

And to be honest, AJ is still wondering how to solve her trust issue.

Because yeah, no one can ever be with you entire life. And no one can give full attention to her and fulfill her expectation.

Is it fine, to just have all the thoughts within, and talk about it to our Lord?

Or it is just another way to escape?

 Mungkin sebenarnya imannya yg lompong itulah akibat dari segala perasaan dan pemikirannya yang salah itu. Sebab fikiran dan hatinya masih belum sepenuhnya untuk Allah. Masih belum sepenuhnya mengingati dan melihat Allah dalam setiap hal yang berlaku.